Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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