I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
