My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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