i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
