is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
