when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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