I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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