you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
