you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
