I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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