New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
