whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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