Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
