my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
