Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
