why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
