Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize