Well apparently he's into motor boating.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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