I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
