omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
