If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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