Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
