so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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