My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
