a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
