i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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