She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
