i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
