Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
