they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
