He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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