it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
