had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
