I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your dad touched me again.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
