You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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