My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The air was thick with penises
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
