I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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