Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
