I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
