I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
