i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
