so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
