I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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