i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
