Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
