oh god the rape fog is back!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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