Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm like, not good at living.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
