Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
