Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
