If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
