My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
