I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
