I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
