Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
