scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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