oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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